Sunday, January 8, 2012

I don't know what is going to happen in the next day, week or month.

I don't know what is going to happen in the next day, week or month.

I don't know how I am going to make it through each month financially without my truck.

I don't know why all this happened.

I don't know if my book will be a success or not.

I don't know if I am going to ever see my beloved truck.

I don't know if I can keep the story alive.

I don't know a lot of things right now. I don't know who is going to be elected president.

I don't know where the money for gas for my van is coming from. I don't kow when I can drive it again because the gas can is on empty.

I don't know if anyone is going to make donations to help me replace my truck. I don't know how I will replace it if we don't get some donations.

I don't know how donations will affect my SSI. I don't know what to do about it.

I don't know a lot of things right now.

I do know that I don't want to spend a full 10 minutes writing what I don't know so I am going to stop now.
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Only 4 minutes 50 words per minute

I know that I can only deal with how I feel at the current moment.

I know this morning is a new day. I know I need to keep my chin up and try to look at the bright side of things.

I know that my ice cream truck is not my whole life. I do exist without it.

I know that I am a strong woman and I can deal with this just like I have dealt with lots of other tough times in the past. I know that it will get easier as time goes on I know that I can replace it even though I don't know how I will be able to do that at this time.

I know that there are other things I can do that will bring me joy. I know that I will discover them eventually.

I know that things happen for a reason and I just haven't figured out yet what the reason is for this one.

I know that I need to write my book. I know that I am off to a good start with my outline.

I know I have many talents.

I know that lots of people are praying that I find my truck.

I know that God did not want this to happen to me and he probably has something even better planned for me in the future. I know that I will survive.

I know that the jerks that took it will eventually get what is coming to them in one way or another even if it is like someone said on the face book comments just with a lot of bad karma. Knowing that makes me feel a little bit better.

I know I want to think about other things besides my stolen ice cream truck. I also know that the kids at the schools will miss me this spring if I do not get my truck back. Oh well. I guess we will deal with that when the time comes.

I know that I can do whatever I feel works best for me and right now that is writing. I really need to write right now. It is like a therapy for me to get the feelings I don't want out of my mind and onto paper.

I need to dig into the subconscious thoughts that are holding me hostage. I need to take them and filter them out so I can move on with my life.

I need to have a place to vent them. I don't have a lot of close personal friends. My ice cream customers were my friends. I will miss them. There is another reason that the theft hurts so much, I need to build myself a better group of support.

I know that I will be able to get past this; it just is still so fresh in my mind. I know that I am tough I will not let those jerks ruin me.

I know that I am a good mom even though I have doubt at times. I know that my kids love me, they actually adore me. Most of their friends like me too.

I know that someday I will understand all this. I know that I don't have control over everything that happens.

I know that I can only deal with how I feel at the current moment.

I know that right now I am happy to be writing on my computer.

I know I need to focus on what I am grateful for today.

I know that it is good that we have a warm home and another vehicle to get around with.

I know that my ice cream truck is out there somewhere and it can still turn up someday.

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61 words per minute

I am thinking I like being excited about something

I am thinking I am going to go to bed now.

Our schedule is really out of wack lately. I am thinking that I have not been doing a good job as a mom, keeping my kids on tack on a normal schedule. I am thinking I really need to improve in this department.

I am thinking that I am really going to like this little piece of software that I have just created. I am thinking it is really getting me going in the writing department.

I am excited about that. I am thinking I like being excited about something.

I t really gets me motivated to do more. It gets me going in a positive direction.
I am thinking that I am thinking is a great sentence starter because I can’t seem to get the words typed as fast as I am thinking on this one. Wow that is really cool.

I am thinking I am even doing this speed writing with the noisy kids in the background how cool is that. I am thinking that if they don’t quiet down I am going to have to stop my rhythm and yell at them. That is not so cool.

I am thinking just typing this and they have quieted down. Maybe there is some magic to all this. They are happy and I am doing what I enjoy. I guess it doesn't get to much better than that does it.

I am thinking this prompt is also great because here I am at the bottom or maybe close to the middle of this prompt and this is the first sentence I am thinking about my missing ice cream truck.

I am thinking this is a good way to start my writing practice. What do you think?
I am thinking ha ha now I am trying to be funny. I know I can be funny, I like being funny. Most of the time I can be funny to others without even trying to be funny.

I have been told in the past that is part of my charm. I am thinking what happened to that charming part of me. Where has she gone?

I am thinking I want her back.

I am thinking it is time for me to find her.

I am thinking that is a good thing for me to work on.

I am thinking that I need to get those noisy kids to bed.

I am thinking that this is one of the best blogs I have created so far.

I love Natalie Goldberg’s books I am thinking if you want to be a writer you have to go and buy some of her books. I am thinking that is the best advice I can give tow wannabee writers.

I am thinking that I have been thinking too much in this post. I am thinking that I really do want to write my ice cream lady adventures book.

I am thinking that is the way to go for me right now.
I am thinking that I have said I am thinking in this post way too much.

I am thinking that I will probably enjoy rereading this post at the end of the 10 minutes.

I am thinking that this 10 minutes seems to be really long.

I am thinking I wish I knew ho w many words per minute I am typing.

I am thinking it will be easy to figure that out once I am finished with this timed writing post. LOL

I wonder if LOL is considered a word, ha ha. I wonder if that is a word too.

I am thinking these last two comments remind me of being in typing class in high school.

I am thinking that I really like to write and it is amazing what comes out when you force yourself to write non stop for a set amount of minutes. Done.
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66 words a minute, not to bad.

I don't remember Being Happy When I was a Kid!

I don’t remember the date of the last day I drove my ice cream truck. This bothers me. I know it was sometime in November.

I don't remember why this is important to me. I don't remember the last ice cream item I sold when I was driving. I don't remember why I am writing this.

I don’t remember lots of stuff from when I was a kid. I don’t remember being happy when I was a kid. I wasn't happy most of my life.

I guess that is why my ice cream selling and the joy and happiness it gave me was so important. It was like feeling the joy I never felt when I was little. I really want to have that joy and feeling again. I don’t remember being that happy kid that runs up to buy an n ice cream from me.

I see young girls and wonder what their life is like for them. I don’t remember being that age. I don’t remember feeling joy as a kid, or even as a young adult. I want to feel that joy again.

I want to live each day being happy I really am in a weird mood with this writing.
I don’t know what to write about so I am just rambling now.

I do remember joy from creating things. I used to really love to sew and now I don’t seem to find time to do that anymore.

I really think maybe I should start to do more of that again.
I am very scattered in my interests.

I have too many things going and am not very organized.

I am putting all my writing out there in hopes someone will comment and help me figure out where I am at. I really want to succeed in my life at something.

I don't feel like much of a success in my life at anything. Maybe that is why my ice cream truck is so important.

I was a success at that. I can understand from this perspective why most people do not understand the pain that I am suffering because it is gone.

It isn't as important, they cannot relate to what it means to me.

I guess with that understanding, I should be able to deal with it better. I guess only time will tell on that one huh.

It is amazing what comes out of you when you force to write for a certain time. I don’t remember the last time I did morning pages.

This is just like morning pages but I can attempt it anytime of the day. Thank you Natalie Goldberg for this.

I am excited to read the rest of her book. I got through the first two chapters and decided her suggestions about writing rules would make a pretty neat little piece of software.

I am still in the mode for that. I can see myself using this software quite often. I wonder if anybody else will find it as useful as me. There goes the timer wow 10 minutes done already.
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52 words a minute

I Remember, (a post about my Stolen Blue Jeans Ice Cream Truck)

I remember when I was happy and my truck was sitting out in my driveway. I had no idea anyone would even think of stealing it.

Now I find myself belittling and putting myself down all the time because I was so stupid.

I look at tall the junk in my garage and wonder why I ever thought that was more important than my ice cream truck

I find myself asking questions like, why didn't I just haul all that stuff to goodwill and put my truck in the garage?

Then I wonder to myself would they have tried to steal it if I had covered it with a tarp like I did last year.

Would they have tried to steal it if it were in the garage? What the hell could they have wanted it for?
What are they doing with it now? Do they have any idea how much stealing it from me has disrupted my life? Do they even care?

What type of low life would do this?
Why haven't the cops recovered it yet? How do I get past this?
How am I supposed to get back into living normally without my ice cream truck?

I guess I will have to create a new normal in my life. I really can't see that new normal now. I want so much for things to be the way they were before it was stolen. I don't want to let go of that life. But I have no idea how I am going to replace this ice cream truck in my current situation.

I also have no idea how I can get the funds to keep the story alive and get the media coverage to help me find it. I am running out of hope. I remember driving it and being so happy. Will I get that chance again?

The future seems so uncertain to me now. I really want to be able to have some control and power over my future and I currently feel that that has been stolen from me too.

I remember when I could look at my truck in my driveway and smile. Now every time I go outside all I see is an empty spot. That empty spot just leaves a pit in my stomach and sadness in my heart.

How am I suppose to let go of this and get pat it I really don't know how to go on day today without thinking about all the wonderful times I sold ice cream in my truck.

I think about all the troubles we had with mechanical stuff last year and how excited I was for this season to start because I knew my truck was finally running good.

How am I supposed to let go of these thoughts. What am I suppose to replace them with. I really would like to move on but I really feel stuck right now.

I am so tired of the "story" I want to move on to a new and better one.

From the count of who is talking about my stolen truck on face book it looks like everyone else is moving on. What am I suppose to-do?

All I really can do is journal write and get these feelings out and try to deal with them. So that is what I am doing. I feel a pit in my stomach as I write them. I can't believe I am still focusing on this two weeks later.

I can’t believe the truck hasn't been found somewhere yet, even if they have tore it. Wouldn't they be done with it by now?
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60 words per minute

The text on this blog is generated by a piece of "Writing Practice" software I created!

You can get a copy of the software I used to write this entry, for free, just by posting a comment on this blog, or any of my other blogs here at blogspot.com

Just add, software please, to the end of your comment.

Laurie

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